There’s a woman in town who’s starting an animal daycare and is hiring a lot of people for part-time. I’ve already been recommended to her, all I have to do is call her for an interview. But I get so anxious when I pick up the phone. My throat closes and my hands shake while I try to dial the number. I can’t even type out the whole thing. I stared at the phone for 15 minutes before I hid in my room and cried.
This is such a great chance for me to get experience in the work force and save money for college. I really want this job & I know I would enjoy it. I’m so frustrated with myself. I don’t understand why I’m so afraid to talk to this woman over the phone. What’s wrong with me?
I’ve been crying nearly non-stop since Thursday and I just had a panic attack. Oh, gee. What to do?
Okay, yeah, My name is MJ. This is my personal blog, my main is here. This is kind of my way of “coming out” & vent about anxieties I have. I think this is a good way to start. I’ve been careful to keep this to myself in fear of what others might think or say; I don’t like to come off as “whiny” but I think it’s time to get over it.
I’m of female sex who identifies as ‘neutrois’ (FtN) I’ve always felt out of place in general. I was pretty isolated growing up and had trouble relating to others; not saying I didn’t try though. I would just tell myself that ‘I’m being ridiculous and that I was not different’.
I’m asexual & demiromantic. I think it would be lovely if someday I could find someone to open up to and feel completely comfortable with, cuddle sessions and all. But if not, that’s dandy too. It’s not something I really put on priority for myself.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was about 13 and have been dealing with it since. I’m also suspected to have social anxiety disorder as well, but I digress. The very first thing the doctor did was give me a prescription for anti-depressants; it was almost like a reflex for him, which upset me. When we got the pills I refused to take them. I couldn’t stand the idea of having to rely on medication to make me function daily without even knowing why I was this way. After a while I started to see a psychologist. It lasted for about 10 months and it really helped. Due to family issues that arose I wasn’t able to go anymore. It’s been years that I’ve had to work through this on my own but I may be able to go back by mid-summer and I’m pretty happy about it.
I’ll be posting things I think about, opinions, and some drawings here and there. I’ll always accept any questions that come my way, anon or not. If you ever want to talk, I’m willing to listen.
If you took the time to read all that, I salute you. Seriously. Thank you so much!
